IMPORTANT UPDATE REGARDING THE IRWELL WORKS BREWERY VIRTUAL PUB!

After it came to light that there has been a complaint made to Bury Council Licensing Department about us being open during the ‘lockdown’, we want to make clear the following points to reassure those that still may have concerns!

  1. At all times whilst the VIRTUAL pub is open, social distancing guidelines are always enforced, with an average distance of 2 MILES!
  2. All drinks consumed by patrons are provided by themselves with minimal contact from bar staff, apart from being asked to show what said patrons are drinking as their ‘tipple’ of choice.
  3. Although we endeavor to keep all toilets clean and free risk of cross contamination, we cant unfortunately avoid husbands and boyfriends continually managing to p*ss on their own bathroom floor.
  4. Conspiracy theorists and tin foil hat wearing punters are not entertained within the confines of the VIRTUAL pub, especially those who insist that the erection of 5G masts are anything to do with the virus being spread………WE ALL KNOW IT WAS A LABORATORY ENGINEERED VIRUS RELEASED BY THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT!! (allegedly……a word often used for legal reasons!)
  5. Please note although we have the blessing from the people who created, built and those who now run our great establishment, this isn’t an official service run by them. Its just bored locals and welcome guests trying to keep the spirit of the Brewery alive during these surreal times by keeping people in touch. It’s especially important for those that live alone and need the social interaction and those that miss have the p*ss taken out of themselves!
  6. Please note: THIS IS A VIRTUAL PUB!
  7. Please note: THIS IS NOT A REAL PUB!
  8. Please note: THIS IS ALLOWED DURING TIMES LIKE THIS…….UNLESS OF COURSE WE SLIP INTO A COMMUNIST STYLE GOVERNMENT , WHERE I FEEL WE MAY BE ON BORROWED TIME!
  9. Please note: WE ARE NOT GOING TO SLIP INTO A COMMUNIST STYLE GOVERNMENT, THAT COMMENT WAS JUST FOR FLIPPANT PURPOSES ONLY!
  10. And most importantly in times like this, we all know the lunatics take over the asylum, its the only way we stay sane!

So please STAY HOME, PROTECT THE NHS, SAVE LIVES and VISIT THE IRWELL WORKS BREWERY VIRTUAL PUB (its not a real pub!).

Thankyou!

PS……..IT’S NOT A REAL PUB!

PPS…in the famous words of Brian Brown in Cocktail……..’BARS OPEN!’…..the virtual bar that is, as this isn’t a real pub!

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